9/20

I had an odd experience today. So, when you start doing self-work, sometimes you'll be hit with things you didn't even know you needed to work through. The more you work through things, the easier they seem to come. It kinda sucks when they hit you at inopportune times, but that's another story for another day. 😂

This morning, I saw the date on the calendar and felt something. I had this feeling that it was meaningful, but I didn't know why. The events of the day unfolded and led me to the answer (and several others actually). It started with a simple comment from a friend on a Facebook post. We hadn't talked for quite a while and ended up catching up for a bit afterward. For the first time that I can remember, I wanted to ask how my ex was doing, as this was our mutual friend. Not out of any sort of interest, other than I genuinely hope he is doing well. Wow. That's a breakthrough I didn't even know I needed. That relationship feels so distant to me now. I don't think about it often, but I think deep down I must have been harboring some negative thoughts about it. I'm sure these thoughts have held me back in one way or another and I didn't even realize it was happening. I started to think through a lot of things and had some serious revelations. I realized what I really wanted back then and what I want today. I realized neither of us were truly ready for that relationship for different reasons. We both made mistakes, but we both also did a lot of things right. We actually worked at holding on to it for ten years. That's really impressive for how young and clueless we were. I don't think either one of us was totally to blame for the relationship ending. I think we may have held on for too long out of comfort and fear. Nonetheless, I am grateful for the experiences, both good and bad. He was my best friend for ten years and I learned sooooo much from that relationship. I am a better person and a better partner, because of it. I had a moment where I felt overwhelming, genuine forgiveness for both of us and it felt AMAZING!! And then...I realized today, was what would have been our 15th anniversary. What a weird little coincidence. 😏 

xo, 

Jen