I’ve started over a few times. Moved far away from home. Left jobs. Left a 10 year relationship. And in the most recent example below, was displaced after a mentally abusive relationship. It was hard. It was scary. But I am so thankful for where it has led me.
A little over a year ago, I started over...again. I was sitting in the middle of the pieces of a bed frame alternating between feeling intense agony and extreme hope. Sobbing on the floor, then picked up by a TED Talk about, you guessed it, starting over. Broken-hearted that my relationship had been complete bullshit. Excited to finally have a bed to sleep in again.
I’d been sleeping on a hand-me-down pullout couch for weeks following the horrific discard phase of a narcissistic abusive relationship. Thank goodness I worked with some fantastic people, or I would’ve been sleeping on a floor. I’d moved across the country with my ex and had very few of my own belongings left. I’d spent all of my money on couples counseling due to his betrayals, extravagant date nights trying to salvage the relationship that immediately started crumbling the week we moved, and now, deposits and movers for the new place. Funny thing is my ex had promised help. The story to my face, opposed to what he was telling others, was that the breakup was his fault and he would pay for movers and help me to get set up on my own. Then when the time came, I didn’t “deserve it.” I was alone, thousands of miles from any of my friends or family. I was broke from spending all that money and wishing I would have left one of the many times I tried to before.
In spite of my pain and confusion, I still had a serious glimmer of hope. I had been through worse and knew that if I confronted my fears and pain head on and chose to deal with them in a healthy way, I’d grow a ton and end up happier, stronger, and better than ever. It was an excruciating and amazing journey. I’d been putting off things for years, because my plan was to find someone to grow with and then proceed on our journey together, supporting each other. I guess that wasn’t the plan the universe had for me, so I began the next phase of the journey alone.
Something in my life felt off ever since I graduated college and got my first corporate job. I had always felt stifled. Trapped, like a caged animal. I knew there was something missing, but I’d always been busy trying to save something and never knew what I needed. I’d started over before and learned a lot about myself then, but my passion...my purpose, was still MIA. This time, I was lucky enough to find it.
A series of coincidental moments led me there. My neighbor was walking by while I was moving things out of the apartment. We had passed each other in the stairwell many times, but generally only said hello. I’d always felt a connection with her, but for some reason I never explored that until now. She stopped by and we talked a bit. She asked me to lunch, where we discovered many similarities in our paths. She had also been an accountant that wasn’t satisfied and was currently going to school to be a counselor. I’d always been interested in psychology, but knew my empathic nature would make that difficult. She recommended her program highly, so I went home and researched the school. I felt a weird tug at my heart when I saw a life coaching option that could lead to a masters in psychology. I enrolled immediately. I stopped thinking and started following where my soul led me. Over the next week, I realized I was already following multiple coaches on social media and had never truly noticed. Funny how synchronicity works. 😂
I completed my certification and am building a business out of my passion. It’s fulfilling my need to connect with and encourage amazing women. So believe me when I say there are blessings in every tough time you go through. You learn. You grow. And you may even become thankful for the pain you went through. I know I have. 😌